Haunted
by Brandywine421
Summary: I don't own Everwood or any of the characters. Rated for language and adult subject matter. Ephram suffers a breakdown...Updated 7.26.04
1. Chapter 1

            Ephram Brown has started to see her.  His dead mother follows him everywhere, a disapproving, disappointed look on her face.  She speaks to him in quiet whisper when he walks down the street, when he's sleeping.  He can't keep her voice out of his head.  He hasn't slept in days, not since she started sitting beside him, holding out her bloodied hands in desperation as he tries to sleep.  He can't keep food down anymore, his stomach rejects everything.  Somehow, his grief has infected him and now she is haunting him.

            He is late for school again, his legs not cooperating with the bike he was forced to leave a mile from school.  He goes to detention for the second time this week and welcomes the silence it brings.  One of the regulars in the class notices his uncontrollable shaking, a side effect of his anxiety.  She slips him a note and he meets her at lunch.  She tells him about a store on the outskirts of town where he can buy liquor to calm his nerves.  She offers him several swallows of her own supply and surprisingly, it helped.  

            Ephram starts to leave straight from school and go to his bedroom.  He covered his windows with black sheets and never turns on the lights.  He would drink the alcohol and let it rock him to a sporadic, restless sleep.  A swallow for breakfast, a few for lunch and Ephram could almost ignore his mother's voice in his ear, her breath on his neck.

            Colin stops Ephram a week after he starts drinking daily.

            "Ephram, man, what's up?"

            "Nothing.  Just another day," Ephram replies.

            "Ephram, what's going on with you?  You look like hell," Colin says, lowering his voice and stepping closer to his friend.

            "Should I say thanks?  Thanks," Ephram answers, indifferently.

            "Man, you're my friend.  You seem to have a hard time believing it, but it's true.  What's going on?"  Colin asks, not noticing Amy approaching.

            "Nothing.  It's just another day," Ephram repeats, nodding to Amy before continuing into the school.

            "What's up with him?" Amy questions.

            "I don't know, but something's up," Colin replies, draping an arm around her shoulders. 

            "He's really pale.  I wonder if he's feeling okay," Amy thinks aloud.  

            "I guess there's nothing we can do if he won't talk about it," Colin replies, leading her into the school.  

            Andy Brown is worried about his son.  He knew better than to open his teenage son's door, but he bumped against it when he was carrying his laundry down the hall and it bounced open.  The windows were covered and the overhead fixture's bulb is lying on the dresser.  He tentatively steps inside and glances around.  He spots several empty bottles of whiskey beside the impeccably made bed.  Ephram's pillow is rumpled beside the empty bottles.  He hasn't had a conversation with his son in several weeks; he has been too busy with his patients.  Andy steps back into the hallway, closing the door again.  He decides to go downstairs and wait for his son.  

            "Ephram.  Where are you headed?"  Mattie, the girl that introduced him to the liquor store calls after school.

            "Home."

            "You're still shaking, kiddo.  Why don't you come hang out with me a while?  We'll see if we can't find something to help you out," Mattie smiles.

            Ephram shrugs.  He puts his bike into the back of her truck and climbs into the cab.  

            Mattie takes him to an abandoned farmhouse across town.  There is a mattress made up with fresh sheets and covers.  She lights the room with candles and has a battery powered stereo set up.  

            "Your house?"  Ephram questions.

            "No, I'm one of the rich and famous around here.  This is sort of my clubhouse.  My folks are never home, but my 'nanny' is a bitch.  Always giving me drug tests and calling the school to make sure I'm there.  This is my haven," She admits.  

            "Nice," Ephram replies.

            She pours him a tall glass of whiskey and mixes it with a shot of Coke.  He drains the glass gratefully as she turns away from him.

            "You into drugs?" She asks.

            "Not really.  Never had the urge," Ephram replies.

            "They help," She says, turning around.  "I don't know what your issues are, and honestly, I don't care, but you seem like a pretty cool guy.  I have a lot of my own issues that I don't really want to talk about.  Come over here and check out my selection."

            Ephram goes to stand beside her and silently examines the varied pills she has stashed in small glass jars.

            "No coke or heroin, that shit is dangerous.  I keep Valiums, percocets, Vicodin, darvocets, painkillers and tranquilizers mainly.  I've got some Xanax and Klonopin if you're into that kind of stuff," She sighs.  She lights two cigarettes and hands one to Ephram.  He accepts it and inhales deeply.  He was a smoker in New York but hasn't had a cigarette since moving to Everwood.

            "So?"

            "So what?  I told you that I wasn't into drugs," Ephram replies.  

            "I guess I didn't believe you," She smiles.

            "I don't trust them.  If they make me happy, then I'll just be more depressed when the high is over because I was actually happy for a minute," Ephram says.

            "They make the voices stop.  They make me all fluffy inside.  I can sleep with them," Mattie explains.

            "They make the voices stop?"  Ephram asks, his eyes locked on his mother's form across the room.

            "They make them quieter.  Nothing makes them stop.  Just try this, a Valium.  It'll give you a good time, even for a little while," She promises.  He swallows it and chases it with a gulp of whiskey.

            Mattie and Ephram sit on the bed, drinking whiskey and playing cards in silence for hours.  Once the sun sets, she leans over and kisses him deeply.

            "Mattie, what's this?"  Ephram asks, when she releases him.

            "It makes me happy.  I know you don't love me, Ephram, and I don't love you but this makes me happy."  She kisses him again.  

            Ephram rolls off her later, sweaty and exhausted.  He is dizzy and breathless as he dresses.

            "Thanks, Ephram.  I'll see you tomorrow?"  Mattie sighs, curling up in the wrinkled sheets.

            "Just another day," He replies, tying his shoes.  He rides his bike, pushing his exhausted body to the limit to make it home before ten.  He doesn't expect his father to be home, but he doesn't want to risk a confrontation.  His mother's voice is shrill in his ear as the cold air chills his fevered skin.

            Andy is waiting on the front porch when Ephram rides up.  He parks his bike.

            "Where have you been?"  Andy asks, keeping his voice level.

            "Out.  It's only ten," Ephram replies. 

            "I think we need to talk, Ephram."

            "What did I do?" Ephram asks, the Valium wearing off.  He holds onto the porch to conceal his shaking.

            "Nothing, Ephram.  I'm worried about you," Andy replies, seeing something frightening in his son's eyes.  

            Ephram turns, glancing at his mother's ghost hovering beside him.  

            "I'm fine," He answers, looking back at his father.

            "You're lying.  You're pale, you've lost weight and you have bags under your eyes that look like bruises.  The school called today, your principal says you've been in detention five times in the last two weeks.  You're skipping piano practice…"

            "I don't want to play the piano.  I can't…" Ephram starts to speak, but decides that it will only encourage his father's interrogation so he shuts up.

            "What?"

            "Nothing.  Go on," Ephram says.

            "I can't help you if you don't talk to me," Andy says.

            "I don't need any help," Ephram retorts, quietly.

            "Ephram.  Ephram, look at me," Andy says.

            Ephram reluctantly meets his father's eyes.  

            "Talk to me," Andy urges.

            Ephram sees the same pity and disgust in his father's eyes that he sees in the ghost that is haunting him.  

            "Don't look at me that way…can't you see it's killing me?"  Ephram snaps, looking from his father to his mother's face.  "I don't know what you want me to do!  You never used to look at me like that…" He says to his mother.

            "Ephram," Andy gasps, concerned that his son is not looking at him during his rant.

            Ephram realizes that he is talking to his dead mother in front of his father and closes his mouth.  "I'm sorry.  I'm tired.  I'm going to bed."

            "Wait…" Andy starts after his bolting son and catches up to him outside his bedroom.  "Ephram, wait."


	2. Chapter 2

_Frozen inside without your touch,  
without your love, darling.  
Only you are the life among the dead._

_          -Evanescence "Bring Me To Life"_

_  
  
_

          The cold bike ride combined with Ephram's drinking and lack of food finally catches up to him in the hallway.  He suddenly cannot see and loses his breath as he falters.  Andy catches him before he hits the floor.  Andy is startled by his son's hot skin, clearly feverish.  Andy kneels and gently lowers Ephram to the floor.  Ephram blinks away the spots in his vision and tries to catch his breath.

          "You're burning up, Ephram," Andy announces, feeling his son's sluggish pulse and trying not to panic.

          "I'm fine…I swear…I'm fine," Ephram mutters, pulling his wrist away from his father's grasp.

          "No you're not…what is wrong with you?"  Andy snaps, his panic taking over.

          "Nothing is wrong with me.  I'm fine.  Leave me the hell alone," Ephram retorts, defensive.  He tries to get to his feet but doesn't have the strength.

          "I'm sorry, son…you're sick, let me help you," Andy pleads, grabbing Ephram's arm.  He realizes that Ephram has lost weight and he can wrap his entire hand around his son's forearm.  

          "I'm not sick…stop it…" Ephram pleads, pulling away.  He gets dizzy again and puts his hands over his face.  "I can do this…I'm not sick…I'm not crazy…I'm not sick…" He mutters to himself, forgetting that his father is sitting beside him.

          Andy realizes that something besides the fever is wrong with his son.  

          "She's not real…I'm not crazy…she's not real…" Ephram mutters as darkness overtakes him.  He collapses into his father's arms.

          Amy answers the phone, expecting Colin.

          "Hello?"

          "Amy?"

          "Yeah, who's this?"  She questions.

          "It's Dr. Brown.  Is your father home?"

          "Sure.  I'll get him," She replies, walking toward the den with the phone.  "Is everything okay?"

          "Has Ephram been acting strange lately, Amy?"  

          "Well…he has been a little more withdrawn than usual.  He didn't want to talk about it and we didn't push him.  I'm sure he'll come out of it," Amy replies.  "Here's Dad."

          "Hello?"  Dr Abbott answers.

          "Dr. Abbott.  It's Dr. Brown.  Can I ask you for a favor?"  

          "That depends…" Dr. Abbott begins.

          "It's Ephram.  Something's wrong with him…I don't trust myself to…" Dr. Brown interrupts.

          Dr. Abbott realizes that it must be serious if Andy is calling him for help with his son.  "Are you at home?"

          "Yes…"  
          "I'll be right there."

          "What's going on, Dad?"  Amy asks, concerned after thinking about Dr. Brown's questions.

          "Nothing to worry about, I need to go out.  Tell your mother that I'll be back later."  Dr. Abbott rushes to his car and soon is at Andy's house.

          Andy opens the door and lets Dr. Abbott inside.  

          "What is it?"

          "Ephram's running a fever…it's unbelievably high and he's…"

          "Andy, slow down.  Take me to him," Dr. Abbott says, recognizing the manic quality in Dr. Brown's voice.

          Andy leads Dr. Brown into the living room where he has placed Ephram's unconscious form on the couch.  

          "Andy, he's…he's drunk.  Did you smell the alcohol on him?"  Dr. Abbott notices first, taking Ephram's pulse.

          "I know, I think he's been drinking a lot…every day…I don't know how I missed it…he's lost at least thirty pounds…" Andy says, his voice hoarse from sobbing.

          "Okay, Andy, calm down.  You can't help him if you're panicked like this," Dr. Abbott says, his voice calm.  He is concerned by the teenager's paleness and sluggish pulse.  "Where's Delia?"

          "She's sleeping over at Nina's…how could I not see this?"  Andy sighs, anxious.

          "Andy.  Ephram's always been a very private boy.  This is not your fault," Dr. Abbott replies.  

          "Should I take him to the hospital, Harold?  I…he was so upset when I tried to help him before, I'm afraid if he wakes up in the hospital that he'll never trust me again…" Andy admits.  

          "Andy…do you think he's taking drugs?  I can't think of anything else that would be slowing his heartbeat down so much…"

          "I don't know…I don't know anything…" Andy replies, lost. 

          Ephram starts to wake up.  "…Not real…you're not real…you can't hurt me…you're not real…"

          Andy goes to his son's side as Dr. Abbott steps back.  "Ephram, it's okay, you're safe…"

          "Not safe…she's always here…not real…always watching me…stop…" Ephram mutters, struggling in his father's grasp.  He gasps deeply and opens his eyes, conscious again.  

          "Ephram?"  Andy asks, quietly.

          "What happened?"  Ephram asks, starting to sit up.  He acknowledges Dr. Abbott silently with a glance.

          "You collapsed…" Andy starts.

          "Sorry.  Can I go now?"  Ephram interrupts.

          "No…You're sick.  You have a fever and you've been drinking…" Andy starts

          "You've been in my room?"  

          "No, I can smell it.  I should take you to the hospital…"

          "No!"  Ephram retorts, sitting up.  His trembling is evident as he sits upright.  Andy pales with concern.

          Ephram glances away as his mother's voice grows louder in his head.  Dr Abbott silently urges Andy from the room.

          "Ephram…" Dr. Abbott starts.

          "I won't talk to him so why do you think I'll talk to you?"  Ephram interrupts, his eyes glazing.

          "Because I won't tell him anything you don't want me to.  Doctor-patient confidentiality.  He's worried about you and I can tell that you know that something's wrong.  What's happening to you?"

          Ephram has involuntarily zoned out.  He has locked eyes with his mother.  

          "What do you want from me?"  Ephram asks suddenly, startling Dr. Abbott.  Tears of frustration start to run down his face.  "Just tell me what to do and I'll do it…stop yelling and tell me how to fix it…"

          "Ephram…who are you talking to?" Dr. Abbott asks, calmly, gently shaking the young man.

          Ephram's eyes are still glazed.  Dr. Abbott can tell that he is not fully in reality.  "She didn't used to be like this…she never talked to me like this, like she hates me.  She always loved me, but not she hates me…"

          "Your mother?  Is she here?"  Dr. Abbott asks, keeping his voice calm.

          "She's always here…telling me how useless I am, how disappointed she is…how much she hates me…" Ephram replies, shaking more violently.  "I can't make her stop…I know she's not real but she's always here…when I'm awake or sleep…"

          "Ephram?  How long?  How long have you been seeing her?"  He asks.

          "Nothing I do makes her go away…" Ephram mutters.  "Nothing…" He meets Dr. Abbott's eyes suddenly but there is nothing recognizable in the youth's eyes.  "She told me that if I were dead that everything would be okay…but my dad would be devastated…she says that he hates me, too, that he would be happy I was gone but…she's not real…" Ephram's voice fades.   

          "Ephram.  She's not real, you hear me?  Don't listen to her, no matter what she says," Dr. Abbott says, pale from the boy's last words.

          "I just…I don't know what to do anymore…" Ephram murmurs, his eyelids drooping.

          Andy returns with a glass of orange juice.  "Ephram, can I get you to try and drink this?"

          Ephram shakes his head.  "I can't keep anything down…"

          "Just try, okay?"  Andy urges.

          Ephram nods and accepts the glass.  He finishes half of it.  

          "Okay, Ephram.  We have to try and get your fever to go down.  We'll worry about everything else later, okay?" Dr. Brown soothes.

          Ephram swings his legs off the couch, suddenly.  "I'm going to be sick…" He starts unsteadily toward the bathroom.  After staggering and nearly falling, he accepts his father's assistance.  He vomits uncontrollably for several minutes and finally settles into dry heaves.

          "Andy.  I think he's had some sort of breakdown…he needs some help that I'm not sure we can give him," Dr. Abbott says, speaking quietly to Andy outside the bathroom.

          "Breakdown?  What are you talking about?" Andy asks, confused.

          "He's seeing his mother.  She's telling him things.  The only reason I'm telling you is because he's underage.  I promised I wouldn't tell, but…" Dr. Abbot says quietly, torn.

          "It's okay.  I appreciate it, Harold.  So…he's losing his mind?" Andy whispers, devastated.

          "Something must have triggered it, Andy, but…maybe the fever is what's causing it…"

          "But you don't think so," Andy finishes Dr. Abbott's thought.  

          "Dad?"  Ephram leans against the door unsteadily.  "What do you want me to do?" He looks defeated.  

          "I want you to get some rest.  I'm going to start an I.V. to try and hydrate you and get your fever down.  Can you tell me how much you've had to drink today?  I need to know so I can treat you," Andy explains.

          "I don't know…a lot…" Ephram mutters, looking at the floor.  "I'm sorry, Dad…"

          "Don't apologize, Ephram.  Come on.  I'm going to put you in my bed.  I want you to try and sleep, okay?"  Andy gently steadies his son up the stairs into his bedroom.  Ephram doesn't protest, he lies down and turns his body away from his father, shivering violently.  


	3. Chapter 3

__

"…I'm bound by the life you left behind

Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams

Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me…"

-Evanescence

Outside the open door, Dr. Abbott turns to Andy. "I'll call my mother and she can go pick up anything you might need."

"Thank you for coming, Harold," Andy says.

"It's going to be okay, Andy. He's a good kid, he just needs to learn how to ask for help. I can come by in the morning if you want," Dr. Abbott offers.

"I would appreciate that," Andy nods.

Dr. Abbott leaves the upset parent and returns to his house.

Amy is waiting up for her father. "Dad, what's going on?"

"Why are you still awake, Amy? It's a school night. Go to bed," Harold sighs, still concerned about Ephram.

"Something's wrong, is it Ephram?" Amy replies.

"Honey, I can't talk about it," Dr. Abbott answers.

"Well, can I ask him about it at school tomorrow or should I stop by his house afterwards?" Amy questions.

"Amy. I think you should let Dr. Brown take care of Ephram," Dr. Abbott says, a stern tone in his voice. 

"Dad, Ephram…" Amy begins.

"Go to bed, Amy."

Andy sits quietly beside Ephram's sleeping form as Edna readjusts the I.V. she recently placed in his hand.

"He's a good boy, Andy. He's stubborn like you. He let himself get sick running himself ragged…" Edna says.

"No, Edna. I'm losing him…" Andy sighs, quietly.

Ephram starts to struggle in his fevered sleep. "Please…I'm sorry…I'll get better…I don't see you…I won't see you…" He murmurs. 

"He must be having bad dreams…" Edna says, gauging Andy's reaction.

"Ephram's been seeing his mother. When he's awake. Dr. Abbott thinks that he's had some sort of breakdown. He's been drinking and god knows what else and I didn't see any of it. I mean, I knew Ephram and I have nothing in common…he barely tolerates me, but I love him…he should have been able to come to me…" Andy loses his train of thought and stops mid-sentence.

"Andy. He's going to be fine. Ephram will be okay. He's a strong kid, he'll get through this. I don't think he's ever really dealt with his mother's death. Maybe it finally caught up with him…" Edna says, quietly. 

"I should have noticed that something was wrong," Andy states.

"He's going to be fine, Andy. You have to stop blaming yourself and start helping your son. He needs you to be strong right now. Are you going to get a hold on yourself?" Edna asks.

Andy hesitates and finally nods. "Will you sit with him? I'm going to get cleaned up. I'll call Nina and see if she can take Delia to school with Sam."

Edna sits in Dr. Brown's abandoned seat and absently takes Ephram's hot hand. 

"Do you think I'm going crazy?" Ephram asks, surprising Edna. She jumps, startled.

'How long have you been awake?" She questions in return.

"I don't sleep, especially when people are watching me," Ephram replies. "Do you think I'm going crazy?"

"No, honey," Edna replies.

"I don't remember talking to Dr. Abbott. Whatever I said…my Dad thinks…" Ephram begins.

"You Dad is worried about you," Edna interrupts. "He loves you too much for anything else to matter."

"I could never tell him the things she says," Ephram says.

"Ephram," Edna starts as Andy enters.

"I know she's dead…" Ephram begins, meeting his father's gaze. "But she speaks to me and she's always with me…" He looks away. "But she's mean now. She's changed and she's changing me…"

Andy glances at Edna who is shaken visibly by Ephram's confession. 

"She's real to you, Ephram. Tell me about her."

Ephram won't meet his eyes. Edna leaves to answer the ringing phone. 

"Ephram."

"She's hurt, Dad. She's covered in blood. When I sleep, even for a few minutes, I can feel the blood from where she touches me. I can see it on my skin. Her eyes are cold, empty…why does she hate me?" He asks, whispering to himself.

"Son…"

Ephram shakes his head. "I wasn't listening at first…I ignored her but she just talks louder. All I hear is her voice…"

"Will you let me help you, Ephram?"

Ephram sighs, exhausted. "You can't help me. She's a part of me, now. I failed. I'm crazy, just like she said I would be."  
"You are not crazy, Ephram. Look at me," Andy urges. Ephram doesn't respond. "Ephram?"

"She says that I'm pathetic. Letting you pamper me like this. I'm not sick, I'm making a scene, showing my weakness…" Ephram shakes his head, trying to focus.

"Ephram, I want you to rest. I'm right here," Dr. Brown says.

"She's here, too. She's always here. Don't you hear her?" Ephram asks, his eyes glazed.

"Sleep, son. Rest." 

Ephram closes his eyes and breathes shallowly. "I'm trying Dad…I'm trying not to listen to her, to ignore the things she says, but she's too strong, too real…"

"Ephram, you're wearing yourself out. You need to rest. We'll figure everything out after you're feeling better."

"We'll figure everything out? Dad, this doesn't concern you. You can't help me," Ephram says quietly.

"Is that what she told you? Ephram?"

"I'm going to try and sleep now…" He says.

Andy is at a loss as to what to do for his son. After watching him breathe for several minutes, he goes to get his address book to look for a good psychologist for his son. 

Ephram wakes in a cold sweat, shivering. His father is sleeping in the armchair beside him. His mother's constant whisper is almost inaudible. He can think clearly for the first time in weeks with her dulled voice.

He is thirsty. He pulls the I.V. out of his bruised hand. He is dizzy as he stands up and silently walks to the bathroom, closing the door with a click. He drinks a glass of water but it only increases his thirst.

In the mirror, Ephram doesn't recognize himself. He is pale and his eyes are sunken in his face. He is shaking. His mother leers at his reflection. 

"You are a waste, a waste, Ephram. Useless," She says.

"What do you want?" Ephram asks.

"You are a disappointment."

"What do you want from me?" Ephram asks, starting to cry, softly.

"Everything," She hisses.

Ephram suddenly smashes his fist into the mirror, shattering it. Blood starts to drip from his hand all over his clothes and the bathroom. Andy starts to knock on the door. 

"You want everything?" Ephram asks, defensive and tired of his mother's constant harassment. He holds a shard of glass in his mangled hand.

"Ephram!" Andy gasps, opening the door.

"You want everything, Mom?" Ephram asks, not noticing his father. "I'll give you everything I have if you'll make this stop…" He says, slicing his arm from the wrist to his elbow, clumsily nicking the vein in several places. Andy finally manages to grab his son's wrists.

"You want me to give up? You want me to lose everything that I have?" Ephram asks, sobbing as he yells at his mother's smiling face. "I don't have anything left to give you…"

Andy manages to shake his son enough to cause him to drop the glass shard.

"Is this what she wants, Dad?" Ephram asks, noticing his father's presence for the first time. His eyes are glazed as he slumps to the floor.

"No, Ephram. She's not your mother. She might look like her and sound like her, but its not your mother," Andy says, trying to stop the blood flow. "Edna! Can you come in here?" He yells, trying to control his panic. Andy holds a towel on Ephram's sliced forearm.

"I don't know…I don't know what else to do…" Ephram looks up, ignoring his father and stares at his mother. 

"You are nothing," She says, standing over him. "Look at you. You're revolting…"

"Ephram. Look at me. Focus on me. Don't listen to her," Andy urges, shaking his son again.

"My god…" Edna rushes in, seeing the blood.

"Nothing I do makes you stop…" Ephram says to his mother, dazed.

"We have to stop the bleeding…" Edna says, joining Andy in putting pressure on Ephram's bleeding hand and arm.

"Because you are nothing to me. You never were. You are a waste," Ephram's mother hisses.

"If I'm nothing to you, why are you haunting me?" Ephram asks, aloud. 

"Ephram. Ephram, look at me," Andy orders. Finally, his son meets his eyes. "I want you to keep looking at me."

Ephram starts to look back at his mother but Andy uses one of his bloodstained hands to keep his face level. "No, Ephram."

Ephram stares at his hands, distantly. "I guess I should be in pain."

"I'm going to call an ambulance…" Edna says, standing up.

"No. Just leave me alone…" Ephram protests, starting to pull away from his father's grasp.

Andy nods to Edna. "Ephram, you really hurt yourself. I can't take care of you by myself…" Andy begins.

"I can take care of myself…please…don't do this to me…I can't handle this…first mom, now you…please…I'll get better…I'll try harder…please don't make me…" Ephram pleads.

"Ephram…" Andy starts.

"You know they'll lock me away…" Ephram's voice fades.

"Ephram?" Andy calls, noticing his son's drooping eyelids.

"Maybe I should be locked away…it'd be better for everyone…maybe she couldn't find me there…" Ephram mutters before going limp in his father's arms.


	4. Chapter 4

"Dad, is Ephram in the hospital?" Amy asks, waiting for her father outside his examining room the next day.

"Amy…"

"No one's answering at his house, his teachers don't know anything and Colin says that his parents heard an ambulance dispatched to his house this morning so if you don't want me calling all the hospitals saying I'm his sister, you better tell me what's going on…" Amy rambles.

"Amy, calm down. I'm expecting a call from Dr. Brown at any time now to update me on Ephram's condition…"

"You knew he was sick the other night, why is he only going to the hospital now? By ambulance, no less?" Amy asks, panicked.

"Amy, you know I can't talk about Ephram's condition…"

"I want to see him. Will you take me to see him?"

"He can't have any visitors right now, Amy…" Dr. Abbott starts.

"I don't believe you…" Amy turns away, frustrated.

"Ephram has been going through a hard time lately and he let it get the best of him…" Dr Abbott begins.

"I wasn't there for him…I've been taking care of Colin…I've ignored him for weeks now…" She turns back to her father. "I need to be there for him now, I have to make it up to him…"

"Amy, he…" Dr. Abbott begins, pausing at his receptionist waves him to the phone. "Hang on, Amy…"

"Andy?" Dr. Abbott answers.

"Yes. They just let me see him…"

"How is he?" Dr. Abbott questions.

"He's not catatonic, but he's not talking. They had to strap him to the bed…he thought she was coming for him…he's sedated, it's the only thing they can do right now to keep him from struggling…" Andy's voice is cracked with emotion.

"Andy, they have very good doctors there…what happened this morning?" Dr. Abbott questions, turning away from Amy's steady gaze.

"He woke up…his fever finally broke and he managed to get to the bathroom. He punched the mirror, and before I could stop him…he slashed his wrist…he was just trying to make the voices stop, Harold…I don't know what to do for him…nothing brings him comfort…" Andy mutters over the phone, clearly distraught.

"Andy. I'm seeing my last patient right now, I'm going to come on down there and see if I can find anything out. Is anyone with you?"

"Your mother is here…Nina's keeping Delia but I'm going to have to talk to her about this tonight," Andy sighs.

"Yes. Amy is wondering about Ephram. What do you want me to tell her?" Dr. Abbott asks.

"It's going to be several days before he's going to be up for visitors, Harold…"

"You think they are going to keep him?" Dr. Abbott questions, quietly.

"I'm going to try and keep them from committing him to the mental ward, but they want to keep him for at least a week. He's going through withdrawal from the alcohol so they're expecting it to be kind of a hectic few days…"

"He's going through DT's? He was drinking that much?" Dr. Abbott questions.

"That's what the doctors are saying. They hope that the hallucinations will pass quickly so they can get a clearer diagnosis on what's causing the root problem…" Andy starts. "I need to go. I'll see you here later?"

"Of course. It's going to be okay, Andy. We'll find out what's wrong with him," Dr. Abbott assures. He hangs up, immediately turning to his daughter.

"He's drinking? Dad, you have to tell me what's going on…" Amy begins, pale.

"Amy, any other time I would encourage you to try and help, but Ephram is going to need a little time before he is going to be able to have visitors. Dr. Brown understands that you are concerned, but he has to do what's best for Ephram right now."

Amy nods after a long pause. "You'll tell him I'm worried about him, right? If you see him?"

"Of course," Dr. Abbott promises.

At the hospital, Andy follows a nurse into his son's room and sits down. 

"Kids at this age are a handful, aren't they?" The nurse smiles, sympathetically as she adjusts Ephram's I.V. 

"Apparently," Dr. Brown replies.

"He should wake up soon and we'll see how he is," The nurse adds, loosening Ephram's wrist restraints. She turns to Andy as she is leaving. "He seems to be better when you're here. He keeps himself from panicking. When you're not here, he doesn't try. It says a lot about a parent when a child tries to protect them like that…"

"You think he's trying to protect me?" Andy questions.

"He doesn't want you to think he's weak, that he can't handle it. He's being strong for you…"

"That seems to be the problem. He didn't come to me when he started losing control and now he's…" Andy looks down.

"You can't blame yourself," She says, squeezing his shoulder. "He's trying to be grown-up and take care of everything himself…he probably learned that from you. Don't be too hard on yourself," The nurse says, closing the door behind her as she leaves.

"Oh, Ephram…" Andy sighs, taking his son's hand.

Ephram drowsily opens his eyes and blinks at his father.

"Ephram? Are you awake?" Andy asks, anxious.

Ephram nods after a beat. 

"You're still not going to talk to me?" Andy questions, quietly.

Ephram looks past his father, nodding to the invisible spirit that only he can see. 

"You know she's not real, right, Ephram?" Andy asks, frustrated. 

Ephram suddenly gets tears in his eyes. "I don't know anything anymore…" He whispers, his voice hoarse from screaming earlier in the day. He closes his eyes and turns away from his father as much as his restraints allow. "I know she's not real, but knowing that doesn't make her go away. She can't hear me if I don't talk…she can't throw everything I say back in my face if I don't talk…"

"Ephram, tell me what you need me to do," Andy says, after a long pause. "I'm at a loss here."

"Me too…" Ephram replies, dryly.

"I'm sorry, Ephram…" Andy apologizes, seeing the effect his admission has on his son.

"Me too. Could you…could you just leave me alone a while?" Ephram asks, defeated. He doesn't meet his father's eyes.

"I'm not leaving you, Ephram. Don't ask me to do that, son…" Andy protests.

"Then can we just not talk? She's…it's better when I don't talk," Ephram says, his voice still hoarse.

"Whatever you need, Ephram," Andy promises.

After several minutes of silence, Ephram sighs. "I fucked myself up pretty good this time, didn't I?"

"Ephram…"

"Drinking. That's what's making me shake now, right? The cramps and the weird things I'm starting to see? It's because I was drinking…"

"It's part of it."

"It was the only thing that made it any better. I just want it to stop…I'm sorry you had to see what you did in the bathroom…but I have to make it stop…" He looks at his father, seriously. "I'm tired of trying to make it better. I have to make it stop."

"Ephram, I'm not sure what you mean, but you have to believe me. We will get through this. You have to have faith. I'm not giving up. You can't give up…"

Ephram doesn't reply, his eyes drooping slightly. 

"Ephram, please. Don't give up. I'll find a way to make you better…" Andy starts, but Ephram has closed his eyes. Andy squeezes his son's hand as an afterthought, but Ephram is asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

__

AN: I'm trying to update all the stories that I've accidentally abandoned, I apologize to all those folks that have read my stuff and reviewed it and not had any updates. My muse tends to have a notoriously short attention span but I'm trying to force myself to at least finish the fics I have on ffnet now. Hope this short chapter will catch some interest and to all the reviewers, I'm trying to continue! I welcome any advice as to where this story should go. Not much Ephram in this chapter, but the next one will be all Ephram.

"…Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies  
so I don't know what's real and what's not  
always confusing the thoughts in my head  
so I can't trust myself anymore  
I'm dying again…"

-Evanescence

"Dr. Brown? Can I speak to you for a few moments?" Ephram's doctor motions for Andy to step into the hallway. Dr. Abbott approaches as Andy steps outside.

"Andy? Any change?" Dr Abbott questions.

"I'm about to find out. This is Dr. Abbott, a colleague of mine," Andy introduces.

"We're worried about your son's mental stability. You told us about how he is being 'haunted' by his mother, but he is refusing to talk to any of our staff. The monitors say that he is not sleeping, but he is not responding to outside stimuli…" The doctor begins.

"He talked to me earlier, a little. He says that his mother is better when he is quiet. I think he's retreating inside himself in order to control the things he is hearing and seeing," Andy nods.

"You want to commit him?" Dr. Abbott infers, to the doctor.

He nods, slowly. "We can't help him if he's not ready. The fact that he slashed his wrists makes him a suicide threat and we can't objectively release him in this state. He is your son, however, so the decision is yours to make. We can recommend some intensive outpatient therapy if you choose to take him from our care…" The doctor begins.

Andy's face is blank. He doesn't respond. Dr. Abbott stops the doctor's description and puts a hand on Andy's shoulder. "Andy?"

Dr. Brown is frozen for several moments.

"Andy," Harold repeats.

"Yes. Go on, doctor. You're recommending that Ephram stay in the hospital on an inpatient basis so you can try and help him, correct? You think he's going to try and kill himself again…" Andy pauses, his eyes distant for several seconds. "What about the outpatient care? Are there any positive effects of that?"

"We have a very good success rate with outpatient care, but your son is exhibiting signs of schizophrenia, Dr. Brown, and we are urging you to hospitalize him until we can get him to show some sign of improvement," The doctor finishes.

"Schizophrenia? You don't think he's just upset over his mother's death and his depression is out of hand? You think he's schizophrenic and you haven't even talked to him?" Dr. Abbott questions, concerned by the doctor's diagnosis.

"It's a possibility. He's hearing her voice in his head. He can see her. Ephram's condition is more than simple depression and alcoholism…"

"I need some time to think about it," Dr. Brown interrupts. 

"We're holding him overnight for observation and to try and rehydrate him from his fever. We're considering keeping him longer, as I told you earlier. I'll check back after you've had some time to think about it," The doctor nods, leaving.

"Let's go get some fresh air, Andy," Harold Abbott says, pulling the stunned man down the hall to a door leading outside. "Sit down. Take a deep breath."

"What do you think, Harold? What would you do?" Andy asks, startling the other man.

"Andy…"

"If it was your son, Harold?" Andy shakes his head, upset. "I'm such a bad father. I never paid Ephram any attention, I left it all up to his mother and now…now that I thought I was doing better, making up for some of the mistakes I've made…he's a good boy, Harold…he doesn't deserve this…" 

"Andy. This isn't your fault. It's not Ephram's fault. It's just something that happened. You can't blame yourself. You can't help him if you're too guilt-ridden to function. Now think. What is better for Ephram? Do you think he's going to try and kill himself?" Dr. Brown asks, calming the other man with his tone. 

"Honestly? Yes. Something about what he said today. He said he just wanted it to stop, he didn't care about anything else anymore. I don't think he has any fight left in him…" Andy states.

"Are you prepared for that if you take him home?" Dr. Abbott asks.

"He's my son. I've already lost my wife, I won't lose Ephram, too."

"What about Delia? Do you want her to see her brother like this?" Dr. Abbott questions, quietly.

"I…I don't know…I don't know what to do, Harold."


	6. Chapter 6

****

"…I could take every f***ing word she says   
Throw it in her face   
but would she even care   
I still remember when she looked at me   
that frown upon her face   
Trying to be sincere   
I gathered all those little things she said   
Kept them close to me   
Trying to make this real   
This cloud will always hover over me   
I'm leaving you today   
'cause now I see…"

--Cold

"Ephram? Ephram. We're home," Andy Brown tells his son as he parks the SUV in the driveway. Ephram doesn't reply. He hears his father speaking but it is quiet compared to his mother's screaming inside his head. 

After a long talk with Delia, Andy had sent her to visit his wife's parents in New York for a few days. Delia, insisting on seeing her brother, had accepted his new 'silent' state and seemed to understand that Ephram and Andy need some time to work through his problems. Ephram has not spoken to anyone in days. 

Dr. Brown decided to take Ephram home, to give him a chance with outpatient therapy to heal himself without the trauma of being institutionalized. 

Ephram steps out of the SUV and waits for his father to get out of the SUV. Amy is sitting on the front porch of the house with Colin. They stand up as Andy and Ephram approach.

"Amy. Colin. We weren't expecting you," Dr. Brown says, unsure of how his son is going to react. Ephram surprises them all by not reacting at all.

"We were worried about Ephram. My father won't tell me anything so we thought…" Amy stammers, stricken by Ephram's pale skin and bandaged arm.

Andy steadies his trembling son with a hand on his shoulder. He glances at Ephram, but the boy has his eyes glued to the ground in front of him.

"Ephram's not really up for company right now," Dr. Brown says, after a long pause.

"Hey, Eph," Colin says, quietly. Ephram nods in response. He is surprised to see his 'quasi-friends' here, but he knows that as soon as he speaks that the volume of his mother's insults will increase.

"Ephram?" Amy calls.

Andy unlocks the door and takes Ephram's bag from him.

"You're mute now or something?" Amy teases, nervously, glancing at Colin, concerned.

Ephram shrugs in response, not meeting their eyes. 

"Ephram. Come on, you're scaring me…" Amy says, honestly when he doesn't respond.

Ephram doesn't answer. 

"That's okay, if you don't feel like talking. Do you mind if we hang out for a while? We could fill you in on all the Everwood gossip that you've missed," Colin says, putting a reassuring arm around Amy.

Ephram shrugs and walks through the open door into the house. Colin and Amy follow him, tentatively. Andy watches the group, still concerned about Ephram's reaction and lack thereof. Ephram nods for them to follow him upstairs to his room where Dr. Brown has dropped off his bag for him. 

Ephram leads Colin and Amy into his room. He sits down on the bed.

"Ephram. Please, say something," Amy urges, sitting down beside him. Ephram shakes his head. He covers his face in his hands, upset that he has to deal with his friends' concern right now. He is struggling not to break down any further but having Amy and Colin here is stretching his control. He meets her gaze for the first time, willing her to stop questioning him.

"What's this all about, Ephram?" Colin asks after a long pause. He reaches out and gently pulls Ephram's bandaged hand away from his face. "We're all friends here, right? What happened?"

Ephram glances at him, his face blank.

"You've been struggling with some stuff for a while now, I get that Ephram, but this…" Colin releases his hand. "I just don't understand."

"Ephram, are you going to talk to us?" Amy asks, on the verge of tears.

"Colin. Amy. Maybe its time for you two to leave. You can come back when Ephram is feeling better," Andy says, standing in the hallway. Amy and Colin reluctantly leave Ephram's side and step into the hallway. Ephram stands up to close the door but Dr. Brown stops him. 

"Door open. Okay?" Dr. Brown says, softly. Ephram sighs, but nods assent. He waves goodbye to Colin and Amy.

Dr. Brown walks the teenagers to the front door.

"Dr. Brown. Is Ephram…" Amy starts.

"Ephram is sick. He's going to get better, but he needs time. I'm sorry you had to see him like this…" Andy starts.

"What should we do for him? I mean…he won't even talk. Is he talking to you?" Colin asks.

Andy shakes his head. "No. He's not talking to anyone. He just needs a little time…"

"Can we come back and visit him? I…We should have known that he was…sick…" Amy is clearly shaken.

"I'll talk to your father about it, Amy, right now I'm just taking it one day at a time. Thanks for coming by, guys, I'm sure Ephram appreciates it." The two teenagers leave, sedately and Andy closes the door behind them. 

Andy returns upstairs to his son's room. Ephram is lying on his bed with his headphones on. His eyes are open and staring at the ceiling. The only light in the room comes from the hallway light. Andy steps in for a moment and puts a hand on Ephram's shoulder and winces when Ephram jerks away, startled. He sits up in panic. Recognizing his father, he pulls the headphones down for a moment.

"Ephram, I'm going to go get some food. I'll be right back, okay? Will you be alright or do you want to ride to town with me?" Andy asks, unsure about leaving his son home alone. He hopes this will help build the trust further between them. 

Ephram gives him the "ok" sign with his fingers and even offers a small smile to reassure his dad. 

Andy pats him on the back and leaves. 

Ephram, alone again, closes the door, leaving it open a crack to show his father that he isn't going to lock him out. He just wants to enjoy the darkness now that he is away from the fluorescent brightness of the hospital. Ephram ignores his mother in the corner as much as possible, willing her to blend in with the shadows as he lies down again, replacing his headphones. 

The Deftones, not his usual taste, are comforting to him now. Their loud, chaotic music is the only thing that has been able to drown out the sound of his mother's voice lately. She tends to talk quietly when other people are around, but when he is alone, she screams louder as the silence grows. He closes his eyes and tries to remember a time when he didn't hear his dead mother.

__

"You can't get away from me. I'm in your blood. I created you. I made you what you are, Ephram. You are failing me," His mother's shrill voice shatters the peace the screaming Deftones bring. 

__

"Look at you. Almost dead, but you aren't even good enough to finish that…"

Ephram puts a hand on his head, massaging his temples against the building volume of her voice.

_"I'm ashamed to even call you my child…"_ She says, her voice frustrated.

Ephram pulls his headphones off but he can still hear her. He replaces the headphones. He can't escape her. He closes his eyes again and tries to lose himself in the music. After several minutes, he can't stand the darkness anymore and he gets up. He goes downstairs to the kitchen to try and distract himself. 

It's different from the hospital, being at home. In the hospital, he had to stay in control and not try to act 'crazy' in front of the nurses. There are no automatic responses here, no motions to go through, there's no act that he can play. Being back at home in his own environment, there is nothing to distract him from his mother. His dead mother that he can hear and see. He smiles, thinking about the absurdity of the situation. In New York, Ephram had friends that were on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications for their own mental instability. He even dated a girl once that had been institutionalized for attempting suicide, but never did he think that he would be the one hearing voices. 

Ephram opens the cabinet to get a glass for his soda. His shaking hand flinches and the glass shatters in his hand, shards slicing him.

His mother is silent; she disappears as soon as the pain from the glass reaches his brain. The pain made her stop. Ephram stares at his bleeding, trembling hand in horror. Pain stops his mother. It didn't work before, when he sliced his wrist with the mirror, but this time, she left. As his body adjusts to the pain, he can hear her whispering. He snaps out of his trance and goes to the sink. He realizes that his father is going to think he was trying to end it again. He runs water over his hand, clumsily using his bandaged hand to work the taps. Blood is on the floor and all across the counter. 

Ephram manages to pull a few shards of glass from his hand and drop them in the sink. He wraps a dishtowel around his hand and squeezes it to try and slow the bleeding. When the blood stops soaking through, he clenches the towel tightly and uses paper towels to try and clean up the blood. He manages to get the counter reasonably clean and has a broom in his hand when his father arrives.

Andy doesn't react immediately to the sign of his blood-spattered son holding a broom with a bloody towel on his hand.

"I broke a glass," Ephram says quietly, his voice scratchy from the lack of use. 

Andy's face flashes in relief at hearing his son speak. "You hurt your hand?" He puts down the groceries and take-out and goes to his son's side.

"Yeah. Glass," Ephram whispers. His father gently takes his hand and unwraps the towel to examine it.

"You like to make life difficult, don't you?" Andy teases, smiling to show his son that he is joking. 

"I just wanted to have matching bandages," Ephram replies, feeling comforted that his father has not accused him of suicide yet.

"I'm sorry you hurt yourself, Ephram…"

Ephram isn't sure why he gets the urge to talk to his father, but the slight euphoria at the pain of cutting his hand has frightened him. "Dad, I still hear her. I still see her. When I broke the glass…it hurt and…she went away." He doesn't meet Andy's worried gaze. "I…I have to get better, right Dad? Am I going to get better?"

"Yes, Ephram. You will get better. It's just going to take some time. Let me bandage your hand for you," Andy says, quietly, still processing his son's confession.

"I didn't mean to, Dad. It was an accident…" Ephram says suddenly.

"I know. You're trying, Ephram, I see that," Andy replies, not wanting to say the wrong thing and undo the tenuous communication between them. "I know you want to get better and you will…"

"Really? You don't think I'm schizophrenic?" Ephram asks, suddenly. "Sorry…"

"You heard the doctors discuss that?" Andy gasps.

"I didn't feel like talking, I'm not deaf. I heard. Am I really that sick, Dad? Is it too late for me to get better?" Ephram shudders, his eyes glazing slightly as his control teeters toward panic. "I'm going to be locked up in a room and shot full of drugs like some kind of freak…"

"You're not a freak. You will get better, Ephram," Andy says, taking his son by the shoulders and shaking him gently. "Ephram?"

"Okay, Dad. Okay." His eyes flicker as he forces himself to get control of his emotions. His face returns to stone as his father watches. 

"Who'd you learn that trick from? " Andy asks, not thinking.

"What?" Ephram asks.

"You just…turned it off. You were getting upset and then…nothing…" Andy explains, busying himself with Ephram's injured hand to try and reassure his son that he is trying not to push too hard.

"I don't know. It's…it's just something I've always been able to do…" Ephram replies, his voice barely audible. 

"Hey, Ephram. It's going to be okay," Andy smiles.

"You don't know that…"

"Yes, I do. I see how hard you're trying to deal with this. You haven't given up and that means that there's still hope. You'll get through this," Andy insists.

"I'm going to try and believe you, Dad. I hope you're right. I'm tired…I'm so tired of feeling like this…" Ephram confesses.


	7. Chapter 7

"…When he comes around  
Do not tell him nothing  
Do not make a sound  
'Cos if he knows we're there  
He might tear his heart out   
And beat us to death with it  
I was too young to understand…"

--Pete Yorn

__

A few days later:

"Ephram?" Andy checks his son's room and it is empty. He looks in every room but cannot find his son inside the house. 

"I'm out here," Ephram's voice calls from outside. Andy smells the acrid scent of cigarette smoke and follows it to his son. 

Ephram is sitting on the steps of the back porch, smoking a cigarette. Andy doesn't scold him, he leans against the railing and looks at his son.

"I used to smoke in New York. Did you know that? A pack a day at one point in my life," Ephram says quietly.

"I didn't know," Andy replies, quietly.

"I went out with this girl named Leslie back then. You would have hated her. She was loud, angry at the world, and very, very disturbed. I loved her. We would smoke her mom's cigarettes and sneak into concerts. Mom even met her once," Ephram speaks quietly, lost in thought. "Mom didn't like her either, said she was a bad influence and would get me into trouble."

"Ephram?"

"Leslie and I broke up over a party. She wanted to go and I didn't. She loved the band that was playing there, she just had to go and I had a recital the next night so I couldn't afford to sneak out and get caught. So she went without me."

"What happened?" Andy asks, sensing the importance of his son's story.

Ephram takes a long drag off his cigarette. He doesn't look at his father. "She died. The guy that drove her to the party got wasted and slammed the car into a guardrail. Kind of like the way Mom died, I guess. No chance to say goodbye."

"I didn't know about that, Ephram," Andy confesses.

"I didn't tell anyone. It was my drama. I got through it," Ephram replies, quietly. "I mean, my friends knew, but they were kids. Besides the "get wasted and stop worrying" remedy, there was nothing they could do either. It was a long time ago."

"It must still bother you, though, to have you talk about it," Andy remarks.

"I told the therapist about it today. She said it was a good start. Like some girl that died years ago is going to help me stop seeing my dead mother," Ephram snorts.

"Ephram. I think what she means is that talking helps. I mean, you honestly don't see anything wrong with keeping things like that to yourself? It's not…healthy, Ephram," Andy states, calmly.

"So I should wander around crying and mourning my loss? I have to move on. Life goes on so we do, too, right? Life's too short…" Ephram finishes his cigarette and stomps it out with his shoe.

"I don't approve of you smoking," Andy says, quietly.

"I'm sorry. I'm just too tired to try and hide stuff from you. I'm not drinking…but I have to admit that I want to…the meds…do you think they're helping, Dad?" Ephram asks, standing up and turning to face his father.

"What do you think?" Andy asks in return.

"I'm…I'm leveled out now, I guess. I'm not spiraling toward the bottom, I'm just hanging there," Ephram responds. "But you think I'm better. I can see it."

"You're talking to me, Ephram, that always lifts my spirits. I don't like you smoking, but if it makes you better, then…I can handle it."

"It doesn't make me better, it just occupies my time. Keeps me busy." His eyes flicker suddenly and Andy realizes that Ephram can still see and hear his dead wife.

"Colin and Amy called again," Andy says as Ephram walks back into the house.

"I might call them later. The therapist says that it would be good for me," Ephram states.

"Ephram. You don't seem too eager to do what the therapist says. You seem like you're just going through the motions…"

Ephram turns to face his father. "You say I'll get better. The therapist and the psychotherapist and the doctors all say I'll get better. I'm trusting that if I keep 'going through the motions' that I'll get better. Right? It's all I can do right now. I'm taking my meds. I'm not drinking. I'm talking again."

"You're trying and that's all I can ask for, but there's going to come a point, Ephram, when you have to tell me if it's helping. You have to be able to tell a difference," Andy replies.

"I can't. I don't see a difference, yet, Dad. I still see her. I still hear her. I'm not distracted by school now, so she's worse…all I want to do is sleep…she's not as bad in my dreams anymore, that's true, but with the new medications, I'm not really dreaming at all. It takes everything I have to get out of bed every morning. I just want to sleep." Ephram's eyes are sad as he looks past his father into the distance. 'I'm going to go upstairs. I'll leave the door open."

Andy watches his son walk away. He wonders when his son shattered, was it when his wife died or was it before that. He wishes he had paid enough attention to know.

*****

****

"…You killed the feeling   
but the pain's still alive…"

--Cold

Ephram takes a deep breath. He calls the Abbott's number. He isn't sure what he is going to say to Amy, but he knows that he should say something.

"Yeah?" 

Ephram recognizes Bright's voice. "Yeah. Is Amy home?"

"Is this Brown? What's up, man?" Bright sounds surprised. Ephram can hear Amy's voice in the background, questioning.

"Not much," Ephram replies.

"Hang on," Bright says, and there is a pause as he passes the phone.

"Ephram?"

"Hey, Amy…"

"You're talking?" Amy asks.

"Yeah. More."

"Good…I can't wait to tell Colin. Are you feeling better?"

"Sure."

"Ephram?"

"No."

Amy is quiet. 

"Sorry, Amy."

"You tried to kill yourself, Ephram?" Amy asks, quietly.

"Not exactly. Sort of," Ephram responds. "It's complicated. I'm…I'm going crazy, Amy. There's really no way around it."

"You're not crazy, Ephram," Amy scoffs. "You're just going through a rough time right now."

"Guess so," Ephram mutters.

"You want to talk about it?" Amy asks.

"I guess I owe you an explanation."

"No, Ephram, but I am worried about you. I've been so wrapped up in Colin that I didn't realize that…that you were sick," Amy admits.

"I'm good at hiding things. I let myself get sick. Dad says I speeded up my break down." Amy is silent so Ephram continues. "I stopped eating. I started drinking. Then I lost it. I sliced myself up pretty good…I wasn't thinking clearly. Maybe…maybe I was trying to kill myself, but I was really just trying to make it stop."

"Make what stop, Ephram?" Amy questions, not wanting to upset Ephram, but wanting to know.

"Amy…"

"Ephram, you're my friend. Nothing that you say is going to change the way I feel about you."

"How do you feel about me?"

"What?" Amy asks, unsure that she heard him correctly.

"See, I can ask hard questions, too."

"Ephram…"

"No, I'm sorry. I'm just a little stressed out. I'm better now, with the meds, but it's still hard," Ephram apologizes.

"It's okay, Ephram. I'm sorry I was pushing too hard," Amy responds.

"It's not something that I want everyone to know. It was hard enough for me to talk about in the first place…"

"It's okay, I promise. You've told me lots tonight, Ephram, I'll accept what you can tell me for now. What can I do for you?"

"Nothing. I'm all fucked up right now, Amy…"

"But when I was all fucked up over Colin, you were there for me…can't I be a friend to you?"

"It's okay, Amy. I know you're around if I need you," Ephram replies, honestly.

"You're eating now, right? And not drinking?"

"Yeah. Dad's got me on lockdown. Delia's at our grandparents' house. Dad says he might let her come home next week if I…if he keeps thinking I'm getting better."

"You don't think you're getting better?"

"I don't feel better. Sure, everything's clearer now, but…not better."

"Ephram…"

"Sorry, Amy. I would lie to you if I thought you'd believe me. I am trying…"

"Are you really?"

"I'm talking again, aren't I? Believe me, it's much easier to be quiet," Ephram replies.

"Okay, Ephram," Amy sighs. "Thanks for calling. Can I come visit you tomorrow? If you're up to it? We'll do something non-stressful like watch cartoons or something."

"I don't know what cartoons you've been watching, but they can get pretty stressful," Ephram replies. 

"Was that a joke, Ephram? See you are getting better!" Amy smiles. 

"Whatever, Abbott. I guess I'll call Colin. So he won't feel left out," Ephram sighs, exhausted.

"Everything's going to be okay, Ephram."

"That's what everyone keeps telling me."

"Then you should listen. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"Thanks, Amy."

"For what?"

"For still being here."

"I'll be here, Ephram."


	8. Chapter 8

****

"…in this room

the hours of love

still make shadows. 

when you left 

you took almost 

everything. 

I kneel in the nights 

before tigers 

that will not let me be…"

--Charles Bukowski

Andy spots his son outside, sitting cross-legged in the grass, smoking when he arrives home from work. Nina has been nice enough to take him to his therapist's today so he could catch up on some work at the clinic. Ephram is still withdrawn, but he has been making more of an effort to communicate. Andy still notices that his attention is usually elsewhere, on his invisible mother.

"Ephram. I'm inside if you need me," Andy calls into the backyard. Ephram acknowledges him with a slight wave.

Ephram is feeling worse today than any other day since his release from the hospital. The therapist spent the majority of the session today telling him how much he had improved. Ephram doesn't think he has improved at all. If anything, the vision of his mother is becoming more determined to invade his life. 

_"Useless. You're not worth the blood in your veins. I'm ashamed of you. Not going to school. You just sit here and wallow in your misery. You're crazy…"_ His mother whispers.

"I'm not crazy," Ephram mutters aloud, taking a long drag off his cigarette.

_"Crazy. That's exactly what you are. Insane. You're not sane," _She snarls.

"What do I have to do to get you to shut up?" Ephram asks, looking at his mother. He looks into her rage-filled eyes, trying to ignore her bloodstained apparition. 

_"I'll always be with you, Ephram. Watching you, telling you the way it should be. That's what a mother is for…"_

"You're not my mother."

_"Yes, I am."_ She rolls her dead eyes at him. _"I don't expect you to understand, you're too stupid…too crazy…"_

"Fuck you," Ephram replies, staring off into the distance again as he lights a fresh cigarette to add to the small pile of used butts.

"You're not talking to me, are you?" Colin's voice startles him. He sits down beside Ephram.

In the last few days, Ephram has called Amy and Colin daily for short conversations but has discouraged them coming by. 

"Nah. School's out already?"

"It's like five o'clock, dude. Amy doesn't know I'm here," Colin says, staring off in the direction that Ephram is looking at. 

"Really? Why the social call?"

"I wanted to see you. See how you were, instead of just talking to you. You look healthier, Eph, but…you're still not okay," Colin replies.

""Cause I'm smoking?" Ephram asks.

"No, because you're still…it's still bothering you. Whatever's pulling you into the dark place is still there, isn't it?" Colin asks.

"The dark place?" Ephram laughs, dryly.

"That's what Bright calls it. Like you're a Jedi or something getting called over to the Dark Side," Colin smiles.

"I guess that works," Ephram replies, quietly.

"Is the therapy helping anymore?" Colin questions.

Ephram shakes his head slowly. "It never really helped. The problem…it's not going away…"

Colin waits patiently for him to continue. 

"I'm crazy, Colin," Ephram states.

"You're not crazy," Colin remarks.

_"You're crazy. Insane. Out of your mind and out of control," _She hisses_._

"Oh, I'm crazy alright. Demented. They think I'm probably schizophrenic…" Ephram sighs.

"Schizophrenic? Ephram?" Colin asks, surprised.

"I see her, Colin. I hear her. All the time, everywhere. She's there…"

"Who, Ephram?" Colin asks, confused.

"My mother. She died a year ago, Colin, but…she talks to me…" Ephram doesn't meet his friend's eyes as he confesses. "The things she says…my mother would never say such things to me…she loved me…"

_"I never loved you, Ephram, you were too much of a disappointment. I kept waiting for you to do something worthwhile, but you continue to let me down…"_ His mother's ghost mutters.

Ephram takes a desperate drag off his cigarette as he continues. "I've done everything that the doctors have told me to do. I've followed all their advice but…I still see her, Colin. I hear her. I know she's not real, I mean, I'm not mentally deficient or anything, I know she's not real, but…"

"She's real to you, Ephram. I mean, fuck what the doctors tell you, if you see her…then she must…" Colin struggles to find words.

"She's not real, Colin. She's in my imagination…"

"Do you see her now? I mean, is she here, now?" Colin asks, seriously. Ephram's gaze flickers to his mom's form standing behind him. "Whoa. Damn, Ephram."

"I…I just don't know anything anymore. I'm out of options. I'm not getting better. I'm stuck…like this…nuts…" Ephram mutters.

"Ephram. You're not nuts. You're just having a bad time right now. I…you have to get better…" Colin replies, trying to raise his friend's spirits. "You can't…you don't want to die, Ephram…"

"I just want it to stop…I just need her to go away…I don't know how much longer I can take this…it's like I'm in hell…" Ephram states.

"I've heard Everwood called worse, Ephram," Colin jokes, quietly.

"Really?" Ephram smiles slightly. 

"I don't know what to tell you, Ephram. You're not crazy, man. I don't know what you're going through, okay? But I know what its like to wake up every day and have nothing make sense. Nothing anybody says means anything because they don't understand. It's like hell and you're all alone…"

"I'm not alone, Colin. I could handle being alone. She's there." Ephram locks eyes with his mother.

"Ephram," Colin sighs. 

"Thanks, Colin. For coming by. It means a lot," Ephram says.

"You're sitting around here all day, Ephram, thinking about this. Maybe you need to not think about it a little," Colin suggests.

"I tried that. I'm tired of drinking," Ephram mutters.

"I mean, get out for a while. Play basketball…" Colin smiles at Ephram's glare. "Or the piano or something…so you won't have to listen to her."

Ephram appreciates Colin not making fun or ignoring his mother's presence. "Maybe."

"I'll accept maybe," Colin nods. "Think about it."  
"I will."

"Well, I have to go meet Amy and Bright," Colin says. "You want to come with?"

"Not today. But thanks. Maybe I'll have a good day soon. Tell Amy and Bright I said hello."

Colin leaves Ephram in the backyard, but he stops in the kitchen. "Dr. Brown?"

"Yes, Colin?"

"Ephram seems better, but he's still sick. He still sees her." Colin shuffles his feet. "I just don't know if he's talking to you and…I think you should know."  
"I know he still sees her. I'm just taking it slowly." Andy sighs. "What do you think I should do?"

"I don't know. I offered to take him out, to get him distracted and he said he'd think about it. That's a start."

"Thank you, Colin. It helps that you came." Andy smiles.


	9. Chapter 9

Ephram doesn't sleep. His mother's voice keeps him awake. He tiptoes downstairs and sits on the back porch, smoking and listening to his mother. 

_"You are a disgrace."_

"You should get some new material," Ephram replies, forgetting his surroundings. His voice wakes his father. Ephram is too mentally exhausted to ignore his mother tonight.

__

"You don't listen! I keep telling you over and over that you're disgracing me, you're such a disappointment but you aren't listening!" She screams.

"I hear you, okay? I'm a disappointment, I'm a failure, you hate me, I get it!" Ephram replies. "I just don't know what you want me to do about it…" Ephram leans forward, his eyes lowered.

Andy listens from the inside. 

"I don't want to die, Mom…I'd do anything for you, but don't ask me to do that…Dad and Delia…they couldn't handle it…" Ephram murmurs.

__

"They don't need you, they don't care about you…you're nothing to them…" She hisses.

"Don't say that…Delia loves me…" He retorts.

_"How do you think she's going to love you when you're like this? She'll be the crazy boy's sister!" _

"You're making me the crazy one," Ephram snaps.

_"You're a waste. You don't deserve the blood running though your veins…"_ She hisses. 

"Ephram." Andy puts a hand on his son's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Dad…" Ephram starts to cry from frustration, defeated. Andy puts a blanket over his frail son.

"It's okay," Andy says.

"No, it's not…I want to get better, I want to be okay, but this…I can't live like this…" Ephram says after getting control of himself.

"Come inside, Ephram."

Ephram obeys, exhausted. He lets himself fall asleep to the soothing sound of his father's voice.

Ephram wakes up the next morning on the couch. He doesn't hear his mother. He doesn't see her. He hears the sound of water running and gets up, going into the kitchen.

"Hey."

"Morning, Ephram," Andy says.

"Morning. I feel better. I'm going to go get a shower."  
Andy is surprised by his son's words. The phone rings as Ephram is getting dressed. Dr. Brown yells for Ephram to talk to Colin.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Ephram."

"What's up? It's early…" Ephram glances at the clock. "Okay, it's noon…" 

"Yeah. Bright, Amy and I cut school today. We were thinking of going hiking. Well, walking, really." Colin sighs, and Ephram hears voices in the background. "Okay. We're driving to an overlook and then we're sitting. No hiking."  
Ephram smiles, hearing Colin's exasperation.

"Ephram? You are speaking today, aren't you?"

Yeah, I'm thinking."

"Is that a good thing?"

"Maybe. Is it cool if I tag along?"

"Yeah, but Bright doesn't want you smoking in his car."

"Sure. I'll ask my dad."

Colin is quiet. "Are you better today? Is she…is she quieter?"

"Yeah."  
"Really?"

"Yeah. I think so. I'll be okay, Colin. I promise not to freak out in Bright's car," Ephram is half-joking.

"He'll be glad to hear it. I'll call you in a half hour?"

"Yeah," Ephram agrees. He stands in front of the mirror. He feels better. His mother hasn't started in on him yet. For the first time in months, he doesn't see her. He refuses to let himself get excited. He has no doubt that she'll be back.

"Dad?"

"Yes, Ephram?"

"Can I go with Colin and Amy for a drive?"

"Don't they have school?" Andy replies.

"They…took the day off."

"What do you think, Ephram? Are you ready? You haven't felt like leaving the house lately and I don't want you rushing things," Andy admits.

Ephram sits down at the counter. He runs his hands through his hair. "I have to try. I can't sit here…waiting to die. I have to try new things." He meets his father's steady gaze. "You heard me talking to her last night?" Andy nods. "Why didn't you stop me?"

"I thought…she's not real, Ephram…but I heard what you told her and I know you're going to get well."

Ephram raises an eyebrow. "So now that I'm actually answering the voices in my head, you think I'm okay?"

Andy pauses. "Yeah. You're fighting her. You're fighting again."

Ephram is quiet. 

"Be sure and wear your jacket. And try not to smoke too much, Ephram."

****

Ephram doesn't talk much but Colin, Amy and Bright banter cheerfully the entire trip and he is actually relaxed on the ride back to town. Not even Bright mentions his 'illness' but as they pull up to the Brown's, Bright glances back at him.

"Hey, Ephram. Take care. It's nice to see you stop shaking," Bright says.

"Thanks," Ephram replies, giving him the finger. Bright laughs.

Ephram has had a good day. When he steps into his house, Andy is on the phone, waving to him and his blood-covered mother is beckoning him into the kitchen.

"Soda," Ephram mutters to his father, stricken by his mother's sudden reappearance.

"_I bet you enjoyed that. Relaxing with your friends while your father is in there, worried sick and separated from his devastated daughter. I'm dead and you're out carousing with your friends. Did you earn the day off? Do you deserve a day off_?" His mother's fingertips are reaching for him. He is backed into a corner.

__

"Answer me, Ephram. Do you deserve this life?"

"No," Ephram replies, shaking his head to deny her existence and not intending to answer her.

__

"No, you don't deserve this life. Give it back. You don't deserve it, Ephram and I want you to give it back."

Ephram doesn't remember picking up the knife. He has slid to the floor. He's numb and the blade is shiny.

"No. No," Ephram mutters absently. His father hears him and lowers the phone, slowly walking to the kitchen.

"_You are a waste. Useless. You are not worth this,"_ His mother hisses.

"Why is it mine to give? I don't want to…I want to make it stop…" Ephram doesn't register his father's pleas as the knife slides into his flesh.

"Give it to me. Give me the knife, Ephram. Listen to me!" Dr. Brown yells.

Ephram glances at his father. "What? Dad?" Blood. He sees the blood but he doesn't feel the pain. "Oh shit…" He drops the knife, panicking. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry…" He struggle, trying to escape the knife and the puddle of blood. 

"Ephram. Stop. Give me your hands." Dr. Brown forces himself to be calm. Ephram's eyes had been dull and unfocused when he was carving into his arms with the knife.

"Oh god…" Ephram mutters. Andy is steadying him as he holds his damaged arms over the sink as he tries to bandage them. "I just…" Ephram's breathing is shallow, he is panicked. "I didn't see her all day…I guess…I thought I was okay…I thought I was finally okay…and then…she was here…I don't know…I must have snapped…"

"Ephram, it's okay, calm down…please…I need you to breathe…"

Ephram turns his face to his father. "You have to make this stop."

"Ephram, I'm trying," Andy says, at a loss, he tries to focus on wrapping his son's arms.

"Send me away. I can't do this to you. I can't do this to Delia."  
"No…"  
"I'm asking you now and I don't think I'll be able to ask you again." Ephram chokes on a sob. "If you don't do something, I'm going to die…and I'm sorry…but I cannot do this anymore." He lets his father embrace him. "Please, Dad."

"The hospital, Ephram?"

"Look at my arms…" Ephram whispers, tears still on his face. "It's only a matter of time before I cut too deep…I don't want to die…I just can't live like this…"

"No, Ephram. I'll call your doctor. Come on," Andy pulls Ephram into the den. "I'll take care of everything. I'll do whatever you tell me you need to get better."

"I'm not getting better here," Ephram says. "I'm trying…but I'm not getting better. I guess…she's in my head so maybe I'm the only one that can get her out…"

"So what do you want me to do?" Andy asks, sitting beside Ephram on the couch. 

"Call the doctor. The therapist. You can't take care of me this time."

Andy has never felt more helpless as he does when he calls the therapist. Andy puts an arm around his shivering son as he makes the arrangements for hospitalizing Ephram.


	10. Chapter 10

Ephram waits silently on the front porch of the house, smoking. His mother is reasonable quiet, but still present. His father is inside, gathering more things that he thinks his son will need for his stay in the psychiatric ward at the hospital. When Andy steps outside, looking paler than his son does, Ephram shudders. "I don't want to go, but I have to," Ephram says.

"Give it a couple of days and if it doesn't work, we'll try something different," Andy says.

"I'm sorry, Dad."

"Ephram. This isn't your fault, okay? It's nobody's fault. You're a great kid and you don't deserve this…"

"What?" Ephram asks.

"I said you don't deserve this pain…"

"She says I deserve it…" Ephram mutters. 

Andy sighs. 

"I know she's not real. I do." Ephram shakes his head. "Ready?"

"Are you?"

Ephram nods, walking toward the SUV. "Dad, can you call Amy and Colin and let them know what happened? Tell them I had to go away for a while?"

"What do you want me to tell them, Ephram?" Andy asks, getting inside the SUV.

"Colin knows about me…seeing her. You can tell them the truth. I owe them that much," Ephram says.

"Okay. I'll call them after I get you settled in," Andy promises.

"You can't stay with me."

"I know. You'll be seeing a lot of therapists, psychiatrists and doctors. From what your doctor says, it should keep you pretty busy. Are you sure this is what you want to do?"

"I don't want to. I think I have to." Ephram closes his eyes and leans his head against the window.

Andy returns to the SUV around lunchtime. Ephram is settled in the inpatient psychiatric ward in a private room. He has discussed the intensive therapy with the doctors and while he doesn't approve of the many drugs they are suggesting for his son, he knows that something is wrong with Ephram. He starts to drive home but doesn't want to face the empty house with Ephram's blood still staining the floor. He drives to work instead. 

Dr. Abbott has been seeing his patients so he steps into the Abbott clinic. The secretary tells him that Dr. Abbott is at lunch and Andy knocks on the lounge door.

"Andy? Is everything okay?" Dr. Abbott asks immediately. He offers him a chair.

"Ephram wanted me to tell Amy where he is."

"Where is he?"

"He's not getting better with the outpatient therapy. He asked me to put him in the hospital. I just got back from the hospital," Andy states.

"What happened?" Harold asks, quietly.

"He just…snapped. It was like he didn't know what he was doing, Harold. I mean, he says he saw her and just lost it. He took a knife…he cut himself. Then he just snapped back to reality. He's so sick and he's trying so hard…but I don't know how to fix it this time…" Andy admits. 

"Andy, he asked you for help. Ephram's a smart kid. He knows when he needs help. You tried, you did everything you could but this is something that you can't handle. He needs help and now he's somewhere that he can get help."

"He said that he didn't see her yesterday. Amy and Colin, they took him out of the house. He said that he didn't see her until he got back. It set him back. I mean, he wasn't seeing her and then she reappeared…saying things to him…I've heard him talk to her and the things that he's thinking…" Andy loses his voice.

"Amy's been really worried about him but I don't think she has any idea of how sick he is."

"Can you explain it to her? I don't want to upset her any more and I…I don't think I can talk about it without getting upset."

Dr. Abbott nods. "What are you going to do?"

"Ephram…he wants me to go see Delia. He wants me to leave town for a while. He says that it'll make him feel better knowing that Delia and I are okay. I don't want to leave him here…so I think I'm going to bring Delia home. Then I can be here for him and I can be with Delia," Dr. Brown explains.

"Sounds like you know what you're doing. Ephram needs help that you can't give him Andy. Trust him. He's an intelligent, amazing boy and he will get better. You have to believe that." 

Andy nods. "Thank you, Harold. For everything. If Amy has any questions, tell her to call me. Ephram says that he's going to write to her once he gets settled in."

"How long are they planning on keeping him?"

"He's on suicide watch. They're keeping him indefinitely right now. Until he shows signs of improvement, but…he was showing signs of improvement anyway. The doctor, the therapist, they all said he was getting well…but he's not. He's not getting better."

"You should go home and get some rest. Call your daughter. You've done everything that you could have done, Andy. Now comes the hard part. Waiting."

Colin comes inside the Abbott house with Amy and Bright after school. Dr. Abbott is waiting and surprises them all by asking them to sit down, politely.

"Dad…what is it?" Amy asks.

"Dr. Brown came by today. He had to hospitalize Ephram this morning."

Amy gasps. Colin immediately takes her hand. 

"What happened?" Colin asks quietly.

"He suffered a setback. Dr. Brown is no longer able to help him…" Dr. Abbott explains.

"Can you tell us something that means something? Did he…" Bright surprises his father with his concern. 

"He hurt himself, yes…"

"But yesterday…he was so much better…" Amy mutters.

"Andy said that Ephram was doing better. After his visit with you yesterday, cutting class aside, he was apparently in good spirits." Dr. Abbott sighs. "What exactly do you know about Ephram's problems?"

"He sees his mother. All the time," Colin sighs. "He told me. I believe him. He really sees her…"

Amy has started to cry. 

"Yesterday, after a long night, he didn't see his mother anymore. When you dropped him off, he still didn't see her until he went into the house. Ephram asked his father to take him to the hospital. Andy said…this is a very delicate situation, kids…Ephram is ill. This is the kind of sickness that is hard to be treated by anyone…"

"Because it's all in his head," Bright mutters.

"He's not crazy…" Amy snaps, still crying.

"He thinks he is. He sees her and she says things to him," Colin says, quietly. He puts a hand over his face. "Poor Ephram…we should have seen this…back when he first started acting strange…"

"He's always acted strange from the way you kids talk. There's no way any of you could have known," Dr. Abbott says.

"So he's…institutionalized? At his own request? That sounds like bullshit…" Bright mutters. 

"He hurt himself…" Dr. Abbott explains. "He wasn't trying to kill himself, according to Andy…but he was doing intentional damage to himself. He was in a daze, he was unresponsive to his father until he had hurt himself. Ephram needs help and he had the state of mind to ask for it. The doctors at the hospital can help him."

Bright shudders. "When they put Mattie in the hospital…she was never the same. The drugs…they did something to her brain. It was like she was just going through the motions."

"Mattie. I didn't know you knew her," Colin says suddenly.

"I don't know her anymore. I used to know her," Bright replies, quietly.

"She's that girl that got him all messed up to start with. She told him where he could get liquor…" Amy says. 

"You don't mean Mattie Evans, do you?" Dr. Abbott asks, after a pause.

"Yeah," Amy replies.

"Mattie Evans died last week. Drug overdose," Dr. Abbott sighs.

"Is there something in the water around here?" Colin asks, shocked.

"I had no idea that you kids knew her…or that Ephram knew her," Dr. Abbott admits. 

"Do you think he'll have to stay a while?" Amy asks, quietly.

"He's got a long road ahead of him, Amy," Dr. Abbott admits. "Andy did say that Ephram was planning on writing to you."

"How can we help him when he's locked away?" Colin asks. 

"He knows that you guys are here for him when he gets out. That's all anyone can do right now. And pray."


	11. Chapter 11

AN: It's been a _really _long time since I even glanced at this story. But people are still interested since I'm still getting reviews. (Thanks Allegra, you're awesome!) Here's a little update and I promise that I'll try and give all the great, patient, readers some closure. I know it's short, but it's just a snack for now.

* * *

Andy visits his son every day while he is in the hospital. He goes once in the morning and once in the afternoon. He is more worried after every visit to the hospital.

Ephram, involved in group therapy and intense one on one counseling, seems to fade. A week after his hospitalization, Andy finds him still in bed when he comes to visit in the afternoon.

Ephram is pale and his room is dark from the closed curtains. His eyes are dull and glazed from his medication.

"Ephram. How's it going today?" Andy asks, instantly worried that his son didn't come to the visiting area to see him. He tries to keep his voice even. The nurses told him that Ephram was too tired to get up.

Ephram shrugs indifferently. His eyelids are drooping. "I'm tired."

"Tired? From what?"

"They're fucking with my meds again. Instead of the speedy stuff, they're trying the spacy, drowsy stuff again," Ephram replies. "They either want my brain working so fast that I don't have time to think about her or they want me so numb and out of it that I don't remember my own name…"

Andy starts to get up to go ask the nurse but Ephram waves his hand, stopping him.

"Wait. Don't bother them. They're trying everything," He mutters. He looks frail and Andy is chilled.

"Ephram…I've been trying to give you time but…"

"I don't see her as much, Dad," Ephram sighs. "I'm trying…"

"I know you are…but you look like you're still losing weight and you're…"

"You think I'm getting worse." Ephram closes his eyes.

"I don't think you're getting better. Do you think you're getting better?" Andy asks.

Ephram looks at his father. "I don't know anymore. I mean…I still hear her…I see her sometimes, standing beside me…but she's not here now and…if these fucking drugs are keeping her away, I'll stay here…"

"I can give you the fucking drugs at home," Andy replies immediately. Ephram is startled by his father's language and smiles slightly. "What do you want to do, Ephram?"

"What do you want me to do? What do you think?" Ephram asks in reply.

Andy sits down beside his son's bed. "I don't know, Ephram…but this isn't working…it's not working for me. The drugs, we can experiment with those at home…but this place seems to be sucking the life out of you…" He tries to explain himself to Ephram.

"I can't say I like it here. It sucks. I hate it. But I don't know what else to do, I wasn't getting better at home and I can't keep putting you through this…" Ephram starts.

"Stop. It's worrying me more having you here. I want you home. Will you come home?" Andy asks.

Ephram is surprised. "You want me to come home? When I'm still all messed up?"

"God, Ephram, you're still my son. I promised you that I would do anything you needed to get you better and I meant it. That's why I'm asking you and not telling you. I think you should come home."

"Okay," Ephram responds immediately. "You don't have to ask me twice…"

"There are some things you should know first. Delia's home…"

Ephram's face lights up for a second before falling. "What did you tell her?"

"That you're sick. You're so sad that it made you sick, that's what I told her, Ephram. I didn't tell her that you see your mother because…she's not your mother…"

Ephram nods. "I know…how is she?"

"You'll find out when you get home. She misses her brother," Andy says, his spirits higher already because of his son's imminent return. "I'm going to go get the paperwork started."

"Dad?"

"Yeah?" Andy pauses.

"Thanks. For everything," Ephram says quietly.

* * *

Andy helps Ephram into the SUV and starts driving home.

"So how have you been doing, Dad?"

Andy smiles slightly. He glances at him. "Well, not so good. Delia came back a few days ago and of course, she's mad at me because I won't take her to see you." He pauses. "Your friends have been a big help, though."

"What?" Ephram asks, startled.

"Amy has been bringing dinner over at night and Bright and Colin come by every day after school to spend time with Delia."

"Are you sure that Bright's the best influence for Delia?" Ephram asks evenly. His father glances at him before realizing that his son is joking.

"He seems harmless enough," Andy grins.


End file.
